Bloody Heartbreak

Ever heard of or felt your stomach being ripped out of your body, slowly and painfully so much that you feel the blood rushing to your mouth and you can taste it? You want to scream and cry out for help but your body is paralysed with pain.

Bloody heartbreak, it could be over anything that really mattered to you. A broken cup that has sentimental value, a lost or stolen wedding ring, your pet being sick or dead, a relative in hospital or to be buried, or someone close to you broke your trust.

Personally I have never felt like that for anything other than a human. For me it was broken trust, trust must be precious to me for it to feel that way when someone breaks it. Recovery is hard, don’t even talk about forgiveness, tsek, get outta here! I hate the pressure to forgive, why should I? because it’s good for me, yeah ok sho but just because something is good for you doesn’t make it easy to do, honestly.

I took my time, I cried eventually when the tears came while I was driving and playing my jams, out of the blue a waterfall just came over me, or I was the water fall, that’s what it felt like, my top was soaking from all the tears. I did not feel better after that, no ways, I went into a depression coma. It’s not easy being in that state and having happy kids, you have to be on their level, can’t depress the kids.

It took a year and a very special moon to bring me back to a mended state, because I felt very broken. I say mended because I can never be like I was before, when you mend something that doesn’t take away why it needed to be mended in the first place. I am ok, so you’ll be ok too. It may take you half , double or even triple the time it took me to mend but be patient with yourself. You owe yourself that much.